Learning to Rest

Have you ever wondered if there is a core element that has brought our world to the wide-spread stress, anxiety and depression levels we are currently experiencing?

I've been pondering on this a lot lately. While there are many compounding contributing factors, I keep arriving at a very important point. One that I have been healing and resolving in my own life, and I realized that resolution is also what I have been providing for others along the way.

I have been on an wild journey to soothe what used to be a jacked-up nervous system, many health challenges, and manic depression among other things. Along the way, I realized a big part of the journey has been filled with UNLEARNING busy-ness and learning to Truly REST.

Something I have been reflecting a lot recently...

Our behavioral patterns—our daily thoughts, actions, and reactions, our emotional unrest, our unconscious need to fill space and time with action, doing, and accomplishing—are all programming from our childhood. Our nervous system, emotional body, and physical body are being programmed from the time of conception—programmed with our ancestors' genes, stresses, joys, fears, love, patience, angst, and unrest.

As we grow in the womb, we embody the state of the mother, feeling what she feels.

From the moment of birth, we begin absorbing the behaviors, emotions, and stresses of those in our external environment

A little back story for perspective...

I would like to preface this with: The wisdom we've gained about the nervous system, the mind, emotions, anxiety, depression, the body, etc. is phenomenal compared to what we knew 30 years ago. So, anything I say here is not to place blame on anyone. I offer it up simply as my personal experience and a chance for us all to learn from it. I believe everything has happened for a reason, and yet, history need not repeat itself as long as we are willing to learn and apply that wisdom to future moments.

Like many others, I experienced numerous traumas during my younger years, which has definitely contributed to my nervous system's long journey of being in a state of unease. (Let us remember that trauma is how a person reacts to a stressful situation, not necessarily based on the situation itself.)

However, another important thing to point out, which you may be able to relate to in your own way - I was privileged growing up in the sense that my mother was on a mission to be sure I got to do so many things that she was unable to do as a child. I got to dance from a very young age - tap, jazz, ballet, clogging, then began adding (and for a time overlapping) with basketball, field hockey, softball, and a year of track somewhere in there when I got bored with softball.

There was practice multiple times a week plus games, tournaments, etc. Meanwhile, we still had school and endless homework. I was SO slow with learning, which I now realize was due toa divergent ADHD and needing experiential learning rather than memorization and regurgitation, so this caused me to have to spend even more time on my homework, while also staying after school many times in junior high and high school to be sure I was understanding things and getting my homework turned in.

Add in church and Sunday School, plus time with friends...and what was the result?

While I am forever grateful that my mother cared so deeply—she strove to give me opportunities most children never get, and I know I gained valuable experiences and memories—the truth is, I was unable to sleep and so exhausted that my father had me tested for mono several years in a row (though I never had it). I suffered from IBS, extreme stress and anxiety, overwhelming depression, and was an emotional, spastic mess. My confidence was extremely low, and I constantly felt like I was never good enough.

I had to keep up, I had to get good grades in order to play sports, I felt like I had to be better at sports to be sure I got on the field/court. I had to act like everything was okay, when really I was breaking inside, and I crumbled endlessly with my body shutting me down with fevers and chronic pain for many years.

I was living in a life that the adults said was normal. I was pushed to my absolute limits energy wise. I was shown that the hustle was the only way, and that my emotions were unimportant and out of place. I was programmed to think that something was wrong with me and my body because of the pains that had no answers, the IBS that at the time 'had no answers' and the exhaustion that was in the way.

My soul was suffocated and my body was trying to get me to listen, trying to give me what I needed that NO adult ever suggested - to SLOW DOWN AND REST. And even if they had, I wouldn't have known how.

So I beg the question, simply to learn from the past. Were ALL those extracurricular activities worth it if my health was declining?

Obviously, at the time, no one realized that the strain of the busy-ness was contributing to my health challenges, as that was not a well-known thing back then, but in today's day and age, what excuse do we have now? Are we going to continue putting 'doing' in the way of the health of the littles today? Are we going to continue allowing busy-ness to take control of our lives? Are we going to allow stress, anxiety and exhaustion to be the baseline?

Now...

Now, I am less than a month away from completing 40 years around the sun. Wow, the Big 40, and I am STILL learning what it means to slow down and rest, however, I can honestly say the practices that I have learned along the way and the healing I have embraced have guided me to a much calmer and healthier state of being. BUT, many times I still have to consciously CHOOSE to create space for my rest / self-care.

I watch as the world (especially here on the East Coast) is in hustle/survival mode, and even though they feel stressed, have anxiety, and are lacking sleep, just like me in my upbringing, they have no clue that it's Rest that they actually need.

I witness the kids having more health issues than I did, more psychological issues than I did, and still, not many adults guiding them to slow down and rest, because again, they themselves have yet to embrace that practice for themselves.

Yes, there is SO much to do that life requires of us these days.

There is lots to do, much to manage, dreams to create, goals to reach, but Choosing to Value and Make rest a part of our full days is what helps us overcome stress, rest and reset our nervous system, relax the overactive mind and body, and assists us in avoiding burnout, exhaustion, dis-ease, mental instability, and depression, and quite possibly, a bunch of pills that offer no actual solution.

So, what IS true rest?

I remember when I was first beginning this journey, I thought that getting myself to just sit down and watch a movie was rest (I used to never watch TV or Movies). While this Is a form of rest, and it Did get me to finally sit still, it isn't True rest, because the brain is still working, the mind is still taking in and processing information, and the mind/body isn't truly at ease.

Rest is Non-Doing. Rest is BEING. Rest is letting go of the checklists and responsibilities, halting action even if it's for a few minutes, and having a practice(s) that can help ease your mind and body into deep relaxation.

Some examples of true rest...

I feel I have gathered some profound non-doing, truly restful practices that support me in making sure that my mind and body are getting the care and recharge they truly need. Some of my favorite thus far are

A) Mindful breathing that settles me into simply being (a form of meditation) - Your breath is Everything. If your heartrate is racing, you are also having what I call 'short-breathing', breathing only through the chest, and quite possibly breathing through the mouth only. This restriction can cause anxiety, panic attacks and even heart attacks if there are heart-health issues, and breathing in through your mouth rather than the nose short-changes you by about 20% less oxygen than you get by breathing in through your nose. Diaphragmatic breathing, or guiding your breath into deeper, longer breaths into the diaphragm calms the heartrate, calms the nervous, and gifts your blood and body more oxygen/life. Also, anxiety tends to arise from your focus being on the past or future, so while you are focused on your breathing, you are now guided to be in the present moment, releasing your stresses about the past/future.

B) Sound journeys - Sound Mediations/Journeys are a bridge, helping our body and mind access deep states of meditation simply by laying/sitting, breathing and being immersed in the sound vibration. On top of that, while accessing deep rest, the sound vibrations are assisting the body and mind with recalibration and healing.

C) Being/sitting in nature - Never underestimate the natural grounding and healing effects of being immersed in nature! Yes, hiking can be great, swimming in a lake or ocean is great, however, there is a profound reset that takes place when we choose to Be Still in nature, to breathe with nature, to be with nature.

D) Yoga Nidra aka Yogic Sleep - Besides sound meditation, this is one of the most profound guided practices that I have experienced deep rest and healing in, which is why I studied it and got certified to offer it to others! Just like sound, you lay back, and then listen to the verbal cues as you are guided into allowing the body to fall asleep to enter into delta brainwaves which is where the body accesses it's reset/healing state.

Do you have deep rest rituals/go-to's that you love? What are your faves?

If you haven't engaged with the reality of true rest yet, maybe this is a sign that Now is your time to Begin? What do you feel called to learn first?!

If you're in the southern Maine area, I've got you and am super happy to create the space for you to rest, recharge & reclaim your mind, energy, health, creativity and quality of life!

If you're unable to make it to The Sound Temple, sign up for my newsletter (scroll to the bottom of this page) and keep your eyes open for online classes! In the meantime, you can check out my Yoga Nidra offerings on Insight Timer App, and both Yoga Nidra and Sound Meditation recordings on my YouTube channel.

I hope you found this helpful, inspiring or maybe reassuring. I hope you know you’re not alone. This world is intense, and we are absolutely blessed to walk this path right along side each other.

I love you.